Teaching Fears

Having had a few days to really let our last class think in, I have extreme respect for all those who shared in the "I am from" writing. You all were much more brave than I. As I think about my "I am from" I realized that what I wrote is a very watered down version of me. I tried to pull in many aspects of what have made me, and yet I only came up with the fluffy, nice things about my life. It made me realize that I really have a harder time opening up than I originally thought. Hearing the things said during that time almost made me ashamed of myself, that so many people could courageously share out the harder things that make them, and I couldn't even write it down. I feel very hypocritical when this happens as well, I enjoy hearing people's stories, but don't often share mine. The codes of power also echo in my head after the class, the one thing that really truly scares me about teaching, is being someone who fails students of color because I become absent-minded. I am scared of becoming the ignorant white male teacher we read so much about, and regardless of how open, or multicultural educationally driven I am that I will not end up where I truly hope to be in those regards. The codes are things that I am now more aware of, but how will I internalize those and change my pedagogy so as to not perpetuate them?